C: Camille Saroyan = ‘cause she has the best facial expressions, the best and cool boss at the end of the day.

pockety:

C: Camille Saroyan, cause I love her expressions, her hair, her reactions. And it’s not easy to lead a lab.

I smell roses, I see almost all shades of red, I hear laughter and short breaths of relief. Yesterday and today made many feel special, feel awkward, and at some point, others were reminded that they still don’t feel anything at all.

Today marked something that would surely make me remember how important it is to take things one step at a time.

Today is Saint Valentine’s Day, or often simply termed Valentine’s Day.

The past 4 years of my life have been critical. Before I entered college, I had plans of finding someone who’ll appreciate me in a different way. I wanted that certain scenario and moment to happen in my 3rd year in college. Remembering such thoughts made me understand that young minds are surely quite impulsive, moreover, one can never plan of having someone on a specific point in time. As they always say, “It just happens.”

Truth be told, at times, happy and positive thoughts are hard to come by when you’re constantly being reminded of being single. And when you’re stressed. And pressured. And confused. It’s really funny that when you never think of it, that idea is never an issue at all. Putting it in another way, and I suggest that one must always think of it this way, not being with someone does not actually mean one is alone. You just chose to keep yourself, to yourself, until you’ve learned enough, and perhaps that is about the real meaning of having another soul to share your life with. As I have been watching different television series, I came across this one part of an episode (of a series) where the mother tells her daughter that each time you commit to another, you give a part of yourself to the one you’re with. I guess it’s important to keep the “you give a part of yourself to the one you’re with” portion.

Time and waiting plays an important role in the whole idea of love. It may seem generic but I believe there’s really art in waiting. One cannot rush love as how one can rush assignments, manuscripts, or taking a bath, eating, and what have you. One waits because one is willing to prepare for something that should be valued. One waits because it is only in waiting that one learns how important it is to work hard for something as majestic as love.

I am single, for almost 20 years (by March), I have always been single.

Yesterday, I received red roses (photo below) from the sweetest guys that I have and treasure. My best male friends since our 1st year in college never fail to make me feel as though I am one of the loveliest ladies for them. I feel valued. I feel beautiful. I feel special. For what its worth, I had to say…in whatever kind it is, yes, this is also love. This is love.

Today, my best friend spent hours with me. We had lunch with 3 other great friends and after that, we basically got through the day together. Our long talks, 99% of which belonged to my adorkable collection of rants for the day, were the main point of every hour. No matter how hard I tried to convince her to go home and rest, she insisted to stay with me until I get to the “feeling all better” state. I feel valued. I feel special. For what its worth, I had to say again…in whatever kind it is, yes, this is also love. This is love.

Today is Valentine’s Day. I did not receive love and appreciation in any material form: no flowers, nearly no chocolates. Needless to say, I received cheek-kisses, hugs, wishes, greetings; I felt as if it’s just another day. Probably I had to point out that my hormonal imbalance state also triggered the previously mentioned. But He works in ways we really cannot see, and He makes ways (just like the praise song, yes). Something happened just when I thought the day had no sense of being so different. It’s like a tap on my shoulder, all so sudden and unexpected that a flashback occurred:

The previous days made me think of the idea that moments pass. Uncertainty in many moments in one’s life is inevitable. As the famous quote says:

Months have passed and this quote has been with me since I decided to accept things as they are. And it helped, somehow, the accepting part.

Today, I received something intangible but heartfelt. Moments truly pass but yes, it’s not that bad to go back and remember them once in a while. Moments may pass, but it may also help itself to turn around and change its route…to go back to where it used to be. Moments pass, and it may also remain that way.

Uncertainty. Accepting. Waiting. Value. Love.

Today, I was able to get past the first two words. It is also today, with that very warm smile and speaking eyes shown/given to me before the day ended, that I fully learned to accept the whole point of waiting. I guess that makes it three. Trust me, the more I tell myself this, the more I learn…the more I grow.

Today is Saint Valentine’s Day, or often simply termed Valentine’s Day. It also today that I became someone that I ought to be, one who is uncomplainingly waiting.

While mulling over the things that I need to pack for the next couple of days (of my stay in the city), I will try to blog. This is just plain pathetic since I haven’t been writing for a long time since what? 2nd year college, I think. I just wanted to try it again, see if I can still create something with a whole lot of ideas combined in paragraphs with less and less grammatical errors and some unavoidable and unacceptable use of high-flown bombastic words (w/c btw is from Merriam-Webster), or to put it in a simple word, highfalutin. Yes, that is exactly what I am talking about.

2:13 PM. I stopped reading someone’s blog posts and realized that I wanted to have my own. I see that she’s good most especially in using the English language. I had the knowledge of her existence on the television from some reality show which I totally adore. She is one of the contestants. And she is a graduate of one of the highly prestigious colleges in the country. No wonder she writes so well. Needless to say, I got my scoop of today’s inspiration to write from her blog.

It’s 2:32 PM now. It took me that long to write the previous paragraphs. I feel like I’m becoming more of a slowpoke in writing and expressing my thoughts. I should be improving and I don’t really see any evidences and results from a semester of attending a class wherein I get to write about something all the time.

2:33 PM. Let’s make this thing a little more interesting now. I decided I want to write something about my recent thoughts and how I want things to happen. If you really don’t have anything better to do, like me, go on, continue reading this. But if you have a world to save, stop. You’re just wasting your time. You know, you’ll just be missing a get-to-know-me blog. Pft, how huge is that?

Here it goes. It’s 2:47 PM.

So a couple of days ago, my thoughts are in sort of a theme. Everything is all linked and I guess, I am that only link. There have been lots of posts that I never really intended to see, which I never really wanted to know. I see old faces and familiar ones. I really felt like I was missing something; missing as in the “lack”.

Like many other kids, I have always dreamt of having a great set of friends, those whom I can call anytime, and primarily those who would accept me for who I am. And yes, I have them now. So what’s my point? Nothing. I just want to express my frustration, contrary to what you are now thinking of. I am extremely happy and grateful for the true friends that I have at this moment. I have never been so contented, and blessed with people like them because together with time, they changed me. And I would definitely have a 10-part blog about them since they are part of a different story. Now, what bothers me is my yesterday. Like what I’ve mentioned in the previous lines, I have been seeing posts that I don’t intend to see maybe because I know I am not a part of it. It sometimes makes me wonder why I never stayed in their hearts as how they have always been in mine. Time, as a playful element, perhaps? It’s a long time ago. I don’t know. Maybe it’s one thing why I never even had the push to attend arranged high school reunions and all. Apart from the idea that I’m not always invited by those people whom I expected to carry me there, one is that I don’t know if they are as happy as they see the others when they see me. I’m not an introvert or something. It’s probably because they have known me as a serious person who worries all the time and the one who never knows how to extract all the fun in a certain moment. I worry about time, I worry about “more important” things (w/c I think only applies to me during those younger years), and honestly, I worry about what my parents would think of me as a daughter at times when I am on the verge of somewhat enjoying too much with old friends. I always had the fear of that particular idea. I guess I don’t want them to see me irresponsible therefore not allowing me to go to the next and next and future gatherings that might take place. That is the young me, that WAS me. So high school me.

It’s 3:27 PM on my computer clock now. I have the slightest idea on where this is going but I’d like to talk about something else now. Something from my college life, as of the moment.

Again, here it goes.

It’s very unusual for me to talk about this but right now, I really don’t think it’s that of a scary deal especially at this age. I’m about to graduate from college and I feel old already. I know I’m still young but my mind tells me otherwise. So much for trying hard, eh? But seriously, I feel like an old person. I have always felt like one. So? Nah. I just find it funny. There are some people who doesn’t believe me when I say that I have been single for 19 years. And I am 19 years and 7 months old now. Now that is funny. Well, I really don’t get why I am talking about this. The past few days were crazy filled with different moments and unsurprisingly, this was a part of the known crazy days. I am single and I seem to have no problem with that. Well, as of now. Although at times I ask myself if I am really not that of a great lady at all; not focusing on the physical aspects of course, I am not ideal when it comes to that. So, back to the topic. If we base it on my age, I am still young. I have loads of time and maybe it’s not that time for me yet. Believe it or not, I accept that. I have to admit I am the type of person who as much as possible doesn’t want to make haste. My parents taught me how to be responsible and not to be as impulsive as many are in today’s generation. Also, I’ve been learning a lot from my even more mature friends (in terms of le thoughts, but same age). I am confident that my parents can trust me on this particular issue. I know (for myself) that it’s an important matter and it’s definitely something that should be well thought of. And besides, I can feel the overflowing love that I get from my family and friends who truly appreciate me. Add to that, I guess, the love from those who see me in a different way. Uh, don’t overanalyze that part. “…see me in a different way” means they see the unusual, unique, weird side of me. Well, at least for me, that’s what it means. I dunno with them (yes, you can actually laugh. SRSLY) You see, I am happy. And happy to say, I am inspired. You give the meaning to that. It is up to you. But then again, big things take time.

5:21 PM now, and I want to let you know that I want to end this abruptly. You know, that feeling of “that’s it?! that’s all? tss.” I am so sure I achieved that. I’m thinking twice…

So, this I guess is the end of it. I’d have to write a more meaningful entry when I get back. Well, this is spontaneously written and it’s already 5:37 PM on the clock.